I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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