i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
