my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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