this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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