they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so let's talk penis.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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