You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
