I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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