Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
