the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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