hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i need some magic done to my vagina
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
