I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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