Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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