i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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