You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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