some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
