Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
