i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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