Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
