I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
