i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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