It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish I only lived at night.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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