I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
