Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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