how can u be prego again
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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