what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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