I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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