Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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