Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
