Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
