right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
