Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize