She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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