trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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