Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
