Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
