I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
