I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
