Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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