I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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