Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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