YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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