Banned from zoo.
Again?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
