we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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