I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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