i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
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Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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