I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
