I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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