It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
