I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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