One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Found the puke drawer
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Damn victory sex feels great
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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