farters have to be the big spoon...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
