Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
