Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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