please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
