Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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