Tell her she can't have a vagina
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
