As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
