i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
