I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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