i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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