I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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