plz talk dirty to me
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
