shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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