Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
