You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
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Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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