I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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