he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize