Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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