the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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