He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
