The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
