just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
